The Babbling Mind

More stuff from the dreaded notebook.
************************************************************************************
Silent, soft, padding paws make their way over the dead leaves of the forest ground
There is blood on the air and fear in the heart of pray
The beat begins
A warning: do not venture out to night

The silver goddess’s light shines down, landing on two creatures running side by side
Black fur dotted with stars: the father, the leader, the hunter
Silver fur streaked with lightning: the mother, the healer, the hunter
Shadows mingle outside the spotlight of white, eager for the signal

One muzzle rises
A lonely voice rings out
Two muzzles lift
A song begins
Muzzle after muzzle
Voice after voice
************************************************************************************

This in an old entry from my writer's notebook I had in 9th grade. I scare myself sometimes.
************************************************************************************
She wishes she could just walk away. She wishes she could just leave; he stands there looking like a lost puppy and she feels herself slipping. How many times has she tried to walk away? The scars and bruises tell her “not enough”.

“Let me go” her mind screams as she throws herself back into hell, back into his arms.

Why can she not tell anyone? She opens her mouth and silence emerges. She tells the world she’s fine, but everyday she dies quietly.

He rips out her heart to play with and gives it back in pieces.

Her friends know something is wrong, but refuse to believe what their hearts are screaming.

It is a vicious and unforgiving cycle that leaves her battered and broken as it reaches the end. She knows she will shatter soon. No one will be there to fix the pieces.

She is truly alone.
************************************************************************************
Depressing little number, isn't it? I did this from the perspective of an abused woman. In my head she was married. That didn't come across real well, I think.

I can't believe it's been that long since I updated! RL got crazy for awhile.

The night of Project Graduation (school sponsored after graduation party) I was there a total of 10 MINUTES when I stepped in a pothole in front of the rec center and broke my right foot. My mom came and took me to Georgetown Hospital, where it took FOUR HOURS to see a doctor and get a diagnosis. We got home around 2 am. That happened on May 26 and I wasn't able to drive or get around really well until yesterday. Now that I'm back up and about, I have more energy.

I've got freshman orientation at the end of next week. I may have a roommate as well. I'm not happy about that, because I really wanted to stay in a residence hall and I have an apartment. :(

I'm actually trying to write a Harry Potter/Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover. I want to wait till I get my new laptop before I really sit down and write it. I'm also going to wait before I update again. I'm using my dad's laptop and I don't want him to read anything I post. Hopefully I get the laptop sometime next week or the week after at the latest.

I just got my new camera the other day and it is friggin sweet!! It's the Olympus Stylus 800 and I got a starter pack that has a table tripod, camera case, camera cleaning kit, memory card, and a card reader. I played with it for a while and the pictures turned out great! I plan to upload some pics soon at my deviant art gallery under the same name. If anyone ever reads this, you should check my gallery out. I am sooo happy!!! :D

Today has sucked sooo hard. I woke up with stuff coming out both ends. Someone kill me now.

I'm a little annoyed with the people at Bloodclaim(livejournal community). I posted two requests that got virtually no response. I was looking for some recs where the Scoobies take the news of Spike and Xander's relationship badly(one response). I also asked if anyone knew if Christina O's "The Naked Truth" was still a WIP. That one got *no* response. >:(

We put Tigger to sleep at about 9:45 this morning. He went peacefully. I feel empty and numb.

I just found out today that Tigger (my male tabby-cat) has diabetes.

We have two options: a)we put him down or b)someone gives him an insulin shot every twelve hours. Option b) also requires that someone watch him thirty minutes before to make sure he eats, then watch him after the shot to make sure that he doesn't have a reaction to the shot. There is another problem with the insulin option as well; the company that makes human insulin has always made cat insulin, but now they've stopped. So that means getting the shot in the first place will be hard enough, along with the fact that he may never become regulated and need vet visits at lest once a week ($70) for the rest of his life.

We've deiced to go with option a), putting him down. We will do it this Saturday between 8-12 in the morning. Tigger's nine and has been spoiled rotten. I don't want to see him suffer, but it's really hard to remember that this is the best thing for him. He doesn't even look like he's in pain most of the time.

It hurts so much! I just want to curl in a little ball and cry. Instead, I have to sit through school tomorrow knowing that on Saturday I have to go murder my cat! I don't want to have to leave Crystal (my female calico) here this fall while I go to college in Corpus Christi. What if something like this happens and I'm in class when they put her down. It makes my heart hurt just *thinking* about it.

I'll stop now, because I don't think I can deal with this really well right this second. I'm going to by three rolls of film tomorrow and use them all on Tigger.

The ride along was pretty fun, but there wasn't a whole lot of calls due to the rain. The deputy I rode with was finishing up a report when I got there. He had arrested a woman earlier that morning. Her birthday had been the day before and she was out celebrating that same night. He had originally pulled her over for DWI (she was driving right down the center stripe) and it turned out she was driving w/an expired license. R (I'll refer to the deputy as R from now on) told me he was happy about that, because in the 8 years he's been working he has never needed to write out a DWI and didn't know how. I couldn't stop laughing.

The first call we reported to was a sawhorse in the middle of the road, apparently it's to much to ask that someone get out of their car for two seconds and throw it out of the way. >:( Next, we reported to a buissnes alarm that turned out to not be anything. We drove around awhile, then stopped this woman when she tried to turn in the wrong lane (R only gave her a warning). R and I had lunch at Schloksi's with a few other deputies. We went to another false alarm, then sat and ran radar for awhile (didn't stop anyone though). On our way back to town we stopped this white car whose reg. expired May 2005, and the driver (I kid you not) could not tell R his own address. He wasn't even drunk or stoned, just that stupid.

The patrol was kind of a bust, but it was fun talking to R and listening to the way the deputies interacted on the radio. I hope I get to ride-along when the weather's better. I'll have to talk to Garza and the SO.

I have to get up at 6:45 tomorrow morning, but that's ok because I get to ride along on patrol w/the sheriff's department. My shift starts at 8:00 and I ride until the deputy kicks me out. It's going to (hopefully) so much fun, it all depends on what's going on that day.

I got to go to bed now. I'll have the low down tomorrow night.

Not much new going on. My sister had surgery this morning on her ankle. The doctor had to dill holes in the bone to stimulate growth, so she's on crutches for six weeks, I feel sorry for her, because it's going to be a while before she can play tennis (she loves tennis).

Other than that, I'm looking for a job and having no luck. Oh well, that's life.

That's what's up.

Well, I've had this journal for a while now but I hadn't gotten around to updating. I hope to update at least once a week, but we'll see how long that lasts. I realize no one cares and that's ok.

That's all for now, not much going on right now.